We all have our own particular way of doing things, but there's a fine line between being particular and being controlling. If you’re a controlling person, it's likely you're sabotaging your own relationships. What's even worse is that being a controlling person can take a toll on your partner's self-esteem. It can weaken your trust and interfere with communication. All these elements are essential for a healthy relationship.
If you're doing any of the behaviors in your relationship, it's likely that if you don't loosen up the reigns, your love story could be over sooner than you’d imagine.
· Telling your partner who they can or can’t be friends with
· Telling/suggesting to your partner what to wear on a regular basis
· Having consistently high expectations of your partner
· Controlling/not trusting interactions with others, i.e. looking at partners phone texts/calls
· Controlling your partner’s time to be with you and only you
· Making all or most of the decisions within the relationship and not consulting with partner
· Expecting that your wants and needs consistently come first in the relationship
· Asking partner to constantly change, adjust, and sacrifice in order to please you.
· Dictating your partner’s future, i.e. career choices
· Believing that you have the right to have sex and your desires are the default
· Using anger and negativity to manipulate by getting your way
Remember, relationships are about enhancing your life, not about taking away identity, or freedom. As a loving, supportive partner, your relationship will be everlasting when your love's sense of self and their sense of control over their own lives is fostered and nurtured within the confines of the relationship. And ultimately, your ability to “let go” is real freedom for you too.
Tanya Vallianos, MA, LPC, ATR, NCC, EMDR III, EAP II is a psychotherapist in private practice in Fort Collins, CO. She can be reached at www.innersunhealingarts.com or 970-420-9504